From the new LP, Turban
Lyrics for the first EP are also available
Also see our nifty lyrics for Auld Lang Syne
All lyrics ©2000 Glenn Ricci
May be used by permission from the author.
I was thinking of telling you
all that I know
while three miles away
a milk truck explodes
Pieces are falling
around me like snow
which ones will stay
and which ones will go?
which ones will stay
and which ones will go?
Do you remember
me?
I'm the dog
from your last dream
and I told you
how
to beg and wag
your tail around
and you told me
that
you though that life
was one big trap
and I wondered
why
the truth took you
so long to define
Just stay calm
you're less than right
you're more than wrong
but if you find perfect sense
you will know
it's time to jump the fence
Do you remember
me?
You were almost
seventeen
when I showed you
how
to leave behind
a love that is not found
and you
knew the truth
before it got through to you
Just stay calm
we're less than an epic
we're more than a song
but if you find perfect sense
you will know
it's time to jump the fence
Do you remember
me?
I'm the one who hears
you talk in your sleep
and you're the one
who gets mad
if I don't talk back
and you
seem to mind
if our dreams
fail to coincide
Just stay calm
we're less than an epic
we're more than a song
but if you find perfect sense
you will know
it's time to jump the fence
I was saying something about
my jacket from Korea
you were starring deep into
your glass of panacea
you said, "I know what I mean"
but I didn't believe ya
I said my head was full of thoughts
I could not see
I looked up in time
to see you laugh at me
to be humbled by a face like yours
was like a gift to me
But every time I think I'm gonna
show my heart to you
I think of all the scary things
that you can do
I'd rather live in purgatory
than to ever have to show it
I'm madly in love with you
but you're never gonna know it
(ha ha ha)
You were saying something about
the smoke in the air
I looked at the place where your cheekbone
touched your hair
should have looked into your eyes
but I wasn't there
You said your life
was filled with tragedy
a wreck, two suicides,
and a broken family
I wanted everything that happened to you
to happen me
But now I think I've found
the ultimate revenge
for all the awful things
that you could have said
I'd rather live in purgatory
than to ever have to show it
I'm madly in love with you
but you're never gonna know it
(ha ha haa)
I have a big box of letters
that I am burning
every one addressed to you
every one full of yearning
every letter I burn is another one
you won't be returning
But now I think I've found
the ultimate revenge
for all the awful things
that you could have said
I'd rather live in purgatory
than to ever have to show it
I'm madly in love with you
but you're never gonna know it
(ha ha ha haaaa!)
I ran into the cast of Miami Vice
and twenty other people stuck in time
the main guy from Hawaii Five-0
complained that he had no place to go
even the Golden Girls stepped up to tell me
that the past was not the best place to be
I was surrounded by Burt Convey
and everything he means to me
I had to draw a poor man
but no one in the studio could understand
after the loud buzzing sound
I knew I'd never see the bonus round
But what about the end of the story?
what about my moment of glory?
a handshake or a kiss
there must be something
further than this
Set out to find my nemesis
the big buzzer of life that never quits
it makes me tired it makes me sneeze
it makes me wear things that aren't me
the first place I tried was a department store
but the center of evil had closed it's doors
But what about my friends in the hall?
what about the meaning of it all?
something is amiss
there must be something
further than this
I decided to cross into the promised land
so I found St. Peter and shook his hand
he said, "I'm not really the door man
I'm just here to greet your Christian friends
try two doors down, they'll give you a home
where you'll have free cable and a cordless phone"
But what about the end of the story?
what about my moment of glory?
a handshake or a kiss
there must be something
further than this
Called up my agent cause I needed to know
why my act still hasn't hit the road
he said "We had to cancel the show
when we found out that you died
years ago"
He woke up and his room was turning blue
he woke up and he didn't have a clue
he felt an omnipotent sense of doom
he felt like his legs were in another room
he tried to scream but could no move his mouth
the day that his prescription ran out
He poured himself a glass of perrier
then he poured it on his head to get awake
he felt like the floor was floating down a stream
he felt like the ceiling was a trampoline
he kept bouncing tween the ceiling and the ground
the day that his prescription ran out
Once he got down on his hands and knees
his dog had walked him to the pharmacy
they said that he could not afford another refill
but they'd get him something else that's barely legal
they told him that these pills would cure it all
they said take four or five because their small
he drank all eight placebos straight down
the day that his prescription ran out
Groundhog, groundhog, groundhog, groundhog,
groundhog, groundhog, groundhog, groundhog
Groundhog, groundhog, groundhog, groundhog,
groundhog, groundhog, groundhog, groundhog
Groundhog, groundhog, groundhog, groundhog,
groundhog, groundhog, groundhog, groundhog
I'm wearing the mask that you gave me
to make me a fool
I freaked out when I found out
cause I thought it was cool
You have the same casual nonchalance
whether or not I do
anything that you want
but you question everything and more
just so you can be sure
I have a stone floor and milk crate
turned on it's side
it's a shelf, it's a seat, a coffee table,
whatever you like
I try to stay out of other people's way
but it only gets me in trouble these days
why should I try to even go
from my humble abode?
You look perfectly fine
but I know you're not well
let's see what second-hand story
that you're trying to sell
By the stand, pen in hand
waiting by the phone
I feel so lonely
but I never feel alone
cause these are the tools that I use
when I think about you
these are the tools that I use
when I think about you
Try again and explain how you think
this deal will go down
I'm still not convinced that your style
and your message are sound
incense burners
and a broken piece of floss
I'd get you something better
but I'm always at a loss
cause these are the tools that I use
when I think about you
these are the tools that I use
when I think about you
We threw some seeds down on the ground
but never saw the crop
we went out for a while
and then we stopped
could have been the best
but we both hate to be on top
we went out for a while
and then we stopped
When you first came on to me
I had to thank the Lord
shoot me, stuff me,
and stick me on a board
we met down at the bus stop bench
the very next week
and planned our trip
to the justice of the peace
We planned out our whole honeymoon
then we let it drop
we went out for a while
and then we stopped
it felt like love until it felt like
punching in a clock
we went out for a while
and then we stopped
I was thinking of looking you
straight in the eye
while three miles away
two mild trucks collide
Pieces are falling
around me like time
which ones are true
and which ones are lies?
which ones are true
and which ones are lies?
It's not that I can't be bothered
to crack a smile at today's disgrace
but with so many hands upon
my facial real estate
I'll be saving up on my face
I could tell you that you're gorgeous
ask you out on our first date
and I surely have the nerve
but I must stay well preserved
I'll be saving up on my face
I'm just saving up on my face
I'm just saving up on my face
cause there's nothing I can do to make
these wrinkles go away
I'll be saving up on my face
I could spill out my emotions
in some sloppy public display
but I'd rather save the up
till the next decade
I'll be saving up on my face
So I take all of my feelings
and hide them down under the rock and clay
use them as a last resort
like a volcano with a cork
I'll be saving up on my face
I'm just saving up on my face
I'm just saving up on my face
cause there's nothing I can do
to make you go away
I'll be saving up on my face
I'm like a hunter who has never bought a gun
like a marathon runner who's never tried to run
for every proper time
and every proper place
I will just be saving up on my face
So if you come by like you used to
and treat me with a little style and taste
I might start to talk a lot
but then again I just might not
I'll be saving up on my face
I'm just saving up on my face
I'm just saving up on my face
cause there's nothing I can do
to make you go away
I'll be saving up on my face
cause I can't reverse the time it takes
for me to feel the pain
I'll be saving up on my face
so don't think that I'll forget
cause my expression doesn't change
I'll will just be saving up on my face
He's a jesus freak
he's a jesus freak
Walking around in the subway
and out on the busy streets
yelling out the name of his savior
and how he'll be the one
to set you free
He's a jesus freak
Somewhere along the line the christians
picked up a bad name
but you can't blame it on him
cause he isn't looking for money or fame
He's just a jesus freak
I hear his past is tragic
his father died when he was eight
his sister got pregnant at 14
so his mother showed him just how to behave
Like a jesus freak
You gotta tune into the message
he's not out there for his health
you can't get this kind of salvation
from a tv preacher or a walmart shelf
He's a jesus freak
We met each other at
the end of the earth
but we're not gonna get involved
no we're not gonna get involved
And showed each other
what our humble lives were worth
but we're not gonna get involved
no we're not gonna get involved
I'm not the kind of guy
who needs to be close
so just use me as your punching bag
use me as your scratching post
I know I'd like to make it on my own
but I've never been all that great
at leaving you along
Picture me all tied up in chains
but you're not gonna get involved
you're gonna get involved
you could free me
with the sound of your name
but you're not gonna get involved
you're never gonna get involved
You're not the kind of girl
who needs to be close
so just use me as your punching bag
use me as your scratching post
I know you'd like to make it on your own
but you've never been all that great
at leaving me alone
We're not a couple
who needs to be close
so I'll see you in an hour when
you'll use me as your scratching post
I know we'd both like to make it on our own
if we could only
leave each other alone
Please don't make me spin
that ugly color wheel with you
we'll tumble in the red rocks
till we're black and blue
you take me to the pink
while we are fresh and new
until that plain white envelope comes
to classify you
Mixing psychedelics is
dangerous stuff
I got so green with envy
until I threw it up
gather all my paisleys and
put them in a can
stir them up until they make
a lovely shade of
cyan
this could be the start of a trend
cyan
I hope some day you'll understand
So I'm mixing all my colors up
in every single way
I'm saving all my grey up
for a rainy day
help the little boy in me be
less of a man
cover every surface with heaping gobbs of
cyan
this could be the start of a trend
cyan
we'll never be the same again
He called you an elitist lawyer
working for the mob
said that you grew up
on a barn
Called me a freeloader
leaching off the government
said I was the top
one percent
He said I was a baby
dressed up in a shirt and tie
never worked a day
of my life
Said I was a victim
my environment
and I'd have to sell some drugs
to get ahead
He said that I was nothing
40 years ago
when I would be just
a good old joe
Said that the whole future would be
one big load of crap
cause I'd be running
the show
He thought that he found evil
in its pure and solid state
like something you could serve up
on a plate
a hunk of satan growing mold
beside the kitchen sink
and decided that I
was that thing
He called me a conspirator
used god's name in vain
just before he jumped on the train
Left me lonely on the platform
standing in a daze
wondering just who should I be
today
I'm waiting for the rain to stop
the heartache
waiting for you to stop
your elusive ways
waiting to understand
the deadly things you say
I'm waiting for it
not to be too late
I'm waiting for you to drop
your dark disguise
waiting for the shoe to drop
on the other side
waiting for the calm
before the landslide
to the point where
we need to turn back time
Too late for me
to get a chance to choose
too late for one of us to win
or one to lose
too late for me to say
how I burn for you
too late to start a fire
too late to put out the fuse
Don't want it to be too late
to get a chance to chose
don't want it to be too late
to miss you
Before we blow up
we will negotiate
I'm waiting for it
not to be too late
Too late for us
to try things again
too late for one of us
to say when
too late to have something
we need to defend
too late to fake it
too late to pretend
Don't want it to be too late
to try to impress
don't want it to be too late
to digress
don't want it to be too late
for things to become a mess
to the point where one of us
must confess
Don't want it to be too late
to have to run away
don't want it to be too late
to know I have to stay
Before we boil over
we will percolate
I'm waiting for it
not too be too late
Too late for any amount
of trust to be earned
too late for either of us
to be too concerned
too late to think about
what we may have learned
too late to get too close
too late to get burned
Don't want to be too late
to walk over the coals
it's never too late for us
to be old
Before we sober up
we must inebriate
I'm waiting for it
not to be too late
Before we ever grow
we must exfoliate
before we ever know
we must decogitate
Whether it's physical
or just a mental state
I'm waiting for it
not to be too late
Not to be too late
Home run in mailbox baseball
now casey's at the plate
lights in the rearview mirror
cops start giving chase
haul butt down a dirt road,
empty out the case
but the cops are on to us
things ain't looking great
touch your nose on your tiptoes
walk the center line-o
tales of east ohio
tales of east ohio
They say that stealing stop signs
will get you one to five
another petty sentence for
another petty crime
but the stop sign doesn't stop us
and there's no better waste of time
this is better than tipping over
a sleeping bovine
add to our collection
speed limit thirty-five-o
tales of east ohio
tales of east ohio
One for the money that pays for the gas
two for the pickup with the seats in the back
three for the girls that we met at the mall
four minus two cause they left us all
the ghost of old dean martin
is laughing in the sky-o
tales of east ohio
tales of east ohio
Now I'm no william burroughs
and I'm not william tell
and I can't shoot an arrow
or a gun that well
but if you just sit by me babe
I'll get you out of athens
the moment that we graduate
we'll be painters in manhattan
say, do these martini things
always taste so dry-o
tales of east ohio
tales of east ohio
I was thinking of giving you
all that I need
while three miles away
a milk truck gets creamed
Pieces are falling
around us like leaves
which ones are you
and which ones are me?
which ones are you
and which ones are me?
Keeping us together
has always been the easiest of tricks
where there is a crack that needs
to be fixed
we rip it open wide
so we can look inside
and fill it up with rocks, mud, and sticks
We could play
pickup sticks in an earthquake
we could drink pure hemlock
and live
and if you're still not
impressed by our survival skill
then will go jump off a cliff
for you
To tell this story we will need a volunteer
from the audience to start with
a pint of blood
and an empty soda can
then a variety of wilted flowers
and dead potted plants
notice that our fingers
never leave our hands
Take these things
and put them all together
describe to me the resulting mess
our story may not look just like this
but it makes just as much sense
I saw you copying wallpaper patterns
into your spiral notebook
you must really have a lot of time
on your hands
me myself have better things t
to tend to, like
finding how much money
really goes to the man
The two of us
appear out of nowhere
and if we must
we'll go there again
ashes to ashes
lunch to dinner
wine from water
we take what we can
So if you ever find
that magic wand we once lost
we will break it in two
and throw it into the pond
And leave it to the fish
to find the perfect catch
And walk into the nearest sunset
All lyrics ©2000 BiteTheBagel
May be used by permission from the author.